It's funny how I weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life, yet value myself more than I ever have. Am I happy with my weight? No. Am I working on it? Yes. The reason I'm not happy with it is because I know it's not healthy, but my weight doesn't determine my value.
I determine my value.
When I was younger I didn't value my self for my self, I valued myself based on other people's opinion about me. Of course when I say other people, I mean the people I was in a relationship with at that time. I wanted them to love me so good that I had self confidence, but no one could do it. The people I fell in love with let me down every time. Every time I thought one of them didn't love me, I didn't love myself. The result would be me hurting myself in various forms. One of those ways is over eating.
About a year after my divorce I went through old photos to delete them and I started really looking at myself in them. I was beautiful, smart, wise. I wrote a book, took care of the house, helped him start a business, took care of not just my kids, but his kids too. We have a son together, and I did my best to make sure all of our kids were treated equally. I was holding it down but I didn't feel valued because of him.
I understand now why women stay in abusive relationships, whether the abuse is verbally or physically. WE stay in these relationships because we do not value ourselves. Our value is in that man. However he feels about us is how we feel about ourselves. This isn't right.
We determine our value.
I started thinking about money, like the actual bills and coins we use. Money itself doesn't have a value, it's paper that can be torn, the coins are just a small piece of metal. We give it value by telling it how much it represents to us. It's value is based on what we tell it to be and what we can buy with it.
Our value should be based on what God says our value is. God says our value is worth Him sending His son to go through excruciating pain to die for us on the cross. God knows the number of hairs on our heads. He knows our needs more then the birds He feeds. He knows us in our mother's womb. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are more than conquerors. We are virtuous women. Just like money, tell your self your value everyday, all day, until it gets deep down in your spirit. Do it so much that NO ONE can take away how you value yourself ever again. See yourself how God sees you. Love yourself how God loves you.
God has already determined your value. Choose to value yourself the same way He does.